Don' cry for me
by LovingTheSilence33196
Summary: Don't sigh for me, your fate rings false to me, try to see the shards of history. Darkness fills my heart and I'm.. laughing loud on all that's passed us by. Call out to thee, singing your name in sweet harmony the wind blows endlessly. GamTav Sadstuck
1. Prologue: Some one special

**Warning:  
**

**Enjoy: :D**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck.**

* * *

**Prologue~**

_The pain you feel when some one very dear to you has been sexually abused is... a powerfully negative feeling.  
_

_They try so hard to be brave, to be strong; and they are. They always are._

_But some times things become a bit too much and you see it written in their eyes._

_"Kill me."_

_But you'll never let that person go._

_You'll never abandon them. _

_They're precious to you._

_You love them._

_Need them._

_Care for them._

_That's why the pain is even stronger when they're gone._

_When they're dead._

_ Done away with._

_Never let them go, if you have the chance._

_Always show them how much they mean to you, and how much they are needed._

_ Don't let them slip away,_

_Like I did to him. _


	2. Chapter 1: Humiliation

**I was gonna leave the prologue, but I realized it sounds like a _oneshot_. So here's chapter 1, expect chapter 2**

**Warning: monotonous usage of the word "_Faggot"_ (in an offensive way, to a character in the story being called by another character.)  
**

**Enjoy: :D**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck.**

* * *

**Chapter 1: **

Gamzee felt his face go visibly red.

"Don't hang out around that freak, Tavros! His mom left his dad for another woman! His dad fucks other men too." Vriska continued loudly. Everyone's attention was drawn to the two arguing. "Bet he probably likes boys too just like his fag of a father."

Gamzee stomped his foot forward. "You need to shut the fuck up!"

Vriska looked at him with contempt, obviously enjoying the pain written all over Gamzees' face. "What are you going to do if I don't? you faggot bitch?" Vriska taunted with her hands on her hips. Gamzee couldn't take it.

"I AIN'T NO FAGGOT!"

He yelled. Vriska reached into her pocket and pulled out a folded piece of paper. She looked up at Gamzee, then at Tavros who stood to his side, completely silent, unsure of what to say or whose side to take.

"Then what's this? _Yo, Tavros, I was just wondering if you'd like to be my boyfriend._"

Gamzee saw Tavros tense through the corner of his eye. Gamzee was baffled by this. He had never written anything like that. He would never confess his disgusting feelings for his best friend.

"I-I...did not write that." Gamzee said truthfully. "Tavros is just my best friend." Gamzee continued to attempt to clear his name. Vriska rolled her eyes and turned walking off, the last thing she said to him was _faggot._

Gamzee felt the eyes all over him, and he couldn't take it. He took off running in the opposite direction as Vriska. Tavros stared after him for a few seconds, still contemplating whose side to take. He slowly stumbled into a jog after his best friend.

Gamzee stopped in the woods just out side of the school. He crashed against a tree and slammed the side of his fist against the rough bark. He hiccuped in pain, tears streaming down his face. He had never felt so humiliated in his entire life. Slowly he slid onto his knees and leaned against the tall oak as he locked a hand in his own hair.

"Gam-Gamzee- hey" Tavros panted when he'd finally caught up with him. When he heard Gamzees' sobs and saw how badly he was shaking against the tree, his knees became weak. He slowly stepped over to his best friend and laid his hand on the older boys shoulder.

"Please calm down, everything will be alright." Tavros coaxed. Gamzee shook, his cries now hushed, then he slapped Tavros' hand from his shoulder.

"Shut up."

Gamzee snapped. He didn't bother looking up at Tavros, he didn't really care about giving Tavros a harsh glare. Tavros knelt down beside Gamzee and brushed his bangs back, "Ga-"

"Why don't you...just do me a favor...and leave me the fuck alone?" Gamzee snapped cutting off his crush. Tavros gritted his teeth in frustration.

"You're such a bother. You don't know or understand shit. You just kept your fuckin' mouth shut as she...down graded me...the bitch. It was as if you took her fucking side. You're just a bother. Just a reason for problems. Why would you even befriend some one like her."

Gamzee ran out as quick as he could, he didn't even have to think of the words, they just spewed from his lips. Tavros opened his mouth, and as he made a sound of speech Gamzee went off again.

"And why- motherfuckin' why. Would you tell her about my parents. I'm half expecting her to rant on tomorrow about my dads' boyfriend and that whole shit."

"No- no Gamzee I didn't say a word about that. I- I know that's a very sore subject for you.." Tavros said clinging to Gamzee. There were tears in his eyes from embarrassment. Gamzee had trusted him with the secret. And he had told the girl he was falling head over heals for.

"Please...don't do this shit to me again. Please remember that you've known me for longer." Gamzee said in a low pained voice. Tavros nodded.

"I promise."


	3. Chapter 2: The love of a Father

**Flashback chapters will be in complete _italic_. **

**Warning: Rape  
**

**Enjoy:  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck.**

* * *

**Chapter 2: **

_Kurloz scribbled down each word as it came to mind. Thinking of his wife was always a heart ache but he got through it. He hated her for leaving him, and leaving a living breathing reminder of her. He hated Gamzee with a passion, yet loved him some how, due to being his father. He wanted hum dead, but would never kill him. He wanted him to suffer, but would never beat him._

_There was a loud scream from down the hallway just outside his bedroom. Kurloz lifted his head to listen but heard nothing more from his son. He began writing again and seconds later he heard Gamzee scream again, this time calling for him. Kurloz sighed but rose to his feet and exited his bedroom. As he got closer to Gamzees' bedroom he could hear Rafael, his current boyfriend, speaking to Gamzee in a harsh tone. Kurloz found it strange to hear his boyfriend in his sons' room._

_He swung open the door and gazed in shock upon Rafael and Gamzee. The ten year old was on his back, legs spread, one hand monotously slamming against Rafaels' face as he was thrusted into. Neither of them noticed Kurloz enter. Gamzee was suffering and he wasn't the one hurting him._

_Kurloz was his father, so he wouldn't hurt him, but maybe Rafael could make himself useful and do the job Kurloz hated thinking about. He looked at his son once more, tears staining his disgustingly beautiful face._

_Kurloz slowly shut the door and walked back to his bedroom, acting as if he hadn't heard nor seen a thing. _

_He sat down at his desk and picked up his pen began writing, his foot tapping under the desk. Gamzees' face kept popping up in his mind, and he shivered at the heavy feeling he suddenly felt. His only son, so precious, was being raped in his bedroom. His child had called out to him, begging to be saved.  
_

_Kurloz began standing but froze. Meulin had walked out on him. She had betrayed him, used him, cheated on him. She had killed his heart. How was it possible that some one could fall so madly and deeply in love with some one so horrible. With some one who didn't care._

_If Meulin didn't care, then he wouldn't care._

_Kurloz got up from his desk, grabbed his car keys and left the house as silently as he could. Maybe a couple of drinks would make the pain go away. Maybe they would erase the image of his son crying from his mind. _

_Maybe it would just kill him. He hoped so, so he wouldn't have to deal with the pain of seeing his son the next day._


	4. Chapter 3: The love of a friend

**I recently found my notes for this story, so I was I happy to carry on. Though in the notes this chapter was different, absolutely different, this version came out much much better.**

**Warning: nothing serious  
**

**Enjoy:  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck.**

* * *

**Chapter 3:**

* * *

His eyes slowly fluttered open. Gamzee gazed at the top shelves of his closet. The light was off, throwing the closed, small room into a peaceful darkness. The pains that he usually felt, he didn't feel them at this moment. He didn't move his head, he didn't even let his chest rise. He breathed in slowly and carefully so that his body wouldn't be wanted this moment of total peace to last just as badly as he wanted to never be touched again.

_"Where is he now?" _

Gamzee lifted his head, his spine tingling in pain.

_"He's in the closet."_

_"Why?"_

_"He crawled into the closet last night."_

_"Alright, enough, I don't want you touching my son anymore."_

Gamzee dropped his head back and closed his eyes as he heard footsteps approach the closet door. A dim but some how bright light washed over Gamzees' face and his leg was kicked.

"Gamzee, your dad wants you to get up for school."

Gamzee ignored him and remained on the ground.

"I know you're not asleep-"

"Of course I'm not fucking asleep you motherfucker. Get the fuck out and leave me alone."

Gamzee growled before he could think twice. His eyes flew open as he heard sudden movement. In a couple of seconds he was pulled up by his hair and slapped across his face.

"DO NOT SPEAK TO ME LIKE THAT."

"LEAVE ME ALONE!"

Gamzee screamed, tears formed in his eyes. As soon as he was let go his hands shot up to his face and he doubled over to cry some more. When he looked up again Rafael wasn't standing in the doorway anymore, so he leaned over and grabbed the door by one of the edges and pulled it shut.

_Maybe if mom was here this wouldn't be happening to me. Maybe if she would have stayed I would have been alright._

* * *

Tavros knocked on thecloset door twice then slowly opened it. He frowned, seeing his best friend laying on the ground with only a shirt on, barely covering his body. He lowered to his knees and nudged Gamzee gently on his shoulder, while gingerly whispering "It's me Tavros." so that his friend wouldn't awaken with fear. Gamzee rolled off his side and cracked his eyes open tiredly. He seemed relieved to find Tavros shaking him awake, and not that monster.

"Gamzee, We're two hours late for school, come on, get up."

Tavros said softly while brushing Gamzees' hair out of his face. Gamzee shook his head smiling. "No, it's okay, I'm going to stay here and sleep some more."

Tavros frowned, knowing Gamzee didn't want to go to school because of the other day, and he didn't want to leave Gamzee here with that sick pervert. He grabbed Gamzee by his wrist and yanked him up into a sitting position.

"Come on, it's only ten fourty something. We can catch a movie in a few minutes. The movie theaters not that far and I have some money." Tavros suggested. Gamzee smiled and hugged Tavros.

"Thanks but, I don't want you to miss out on school just for me."

"Come on and get dressed." Tavros urged. Gamzee nodded and allowed Tavros to help him stand. He asked Tavros to close his eyes(which he did immediately) and limped pass the younger boy into the bathroom that was connected to his bedroom.

Tavros was seated on the bed when Gamzee came out with a towel around his shoulder(covering his chest as well) and another one around his waist. Tavros laid back and stared at the ceiling, waiting for Gamzee to finish dressing.

"Tav," Gamzee began, "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Tavros asked confused.

"For being such a baby." His voice was shaky as he said the sentence, and he didn't even dare to look at Tavros, though he knew Tav was staring at the ceiling.

"You're not being a baby. I mean, things happen to you, and they hurt, and it's okay for you to cry Gamzee." Tavros says sitting up. Gamzee had just finished pulling his pants up when their eyes met. Gamzee looked at Tavros in thought, then nodded.

"Okay, sorry."

"Gamzee-"

"I know..."


	5. Chapter 4: I will try to protect you

**I have nothing better to do, so I will upload as many chapters as I can.**

**Warning: attempt of Rape  
**

**Enjoy: (or don't it's up to you)  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck.**

* * *

**Chapter 4:**

* * *

_"I still don't understand." Gamzee said giggling. He looked up at the eight year old, then back to the Pokemon cards in his hands. Tavros giggled along with him. _

_"I'm just learning." Tavros said blushing. Gamzee grinned. "It's okay Tavros, you don't have to freak out! It's okay!" Gamzee stated. Tavros giggled some more and threw the cards overhead. _

_"I'm pretty sure that's not the way to play." Gamzee giggled some more, Tavros giggling along._

_"Why play a game we both don't understand!?" Tavros said. Gamzee shrugged. "Then what should we do?"_

_"You could play with me."_

_Both boys turned immediately to see who had said that. Gamzees' smile fell when he saw Rafael standing in the doorway. _

_"Uhm...hi...Rafael.." Tavros greeted. Gamzees' frown deepened when he heard how kindly Tavros had greeted the monster._

_"Go away." Gamzee growled. Rafael shook his head. "Don't get your attitude with me." Rafael scolded. Tavros felt the tension in the air and suddenly regretted greeting the man as he had. As Rafael stepped into the bedroom Gamzee stood though he was much much shorter than him._

_"Get out."_

_"Why don't you introduce me to your friend?" Rafael asks crossing his arms over his chest. Gamzee shook his head stating he didn't have to. Before Gamzee could say more his shoulders were grabbed and the older man put their faces before one another._

_"You will not treat me like this. I am the man of the house-"_

_"Shut up you freak." Gamzee growled angrily. Tavros had scooted himself to the wall furthest from Rafael. He was shaking and worried for Gamzee but no matter what he did he couldn't get up to save him._

_Gamzee was dropped. "It's not you I came in here for anyways." Rafael said before stepping over the nine year old. Gamzee lifted himself onto his hands and knees and crawled a short distance before kicking into a sprint at the older man._

_"Get off of me Gamzee!" Rafael shouted kicking furiously at Gamzee who wouldn't let go of his left leg. There were tears of anger and fear streaming down the nine year olds' face, and he was grinding his teeth together to shut in the sounds of pain._

_"Gamzee!" Tavros finally screamed. Hearing Tavros Gamzee opened his eyes and locked them on his best friend. He knew he couldn't let anything happen to him. He shot his gaze up at his fathers' boyfriend and shouted his name, drawing his attention._

_"Leave Tavros alone. Let him go and I'll do what you want." Gamzee ordered. There was a sharp pain in his chest as he spoke the words, because he hated having to even think of willingly doing anything with that beast, but he would bare it for Tavros._

_"You fucking stupid? You're the same thing every day. I want to try some fresh flesh." Rafael said looking back at Tavros and smiling kindly. Tavros hid his face behind his hands, his cheeks flushed red and the salty tears slipping in through his lips._

_"What the hell is going on in here?" Kurloz shouted as he slammed open the bedroom door. _

_"He wants to hurt Tavros dad!" Gamzee shouts still holding onto the older mans' leg. Rafael turns to face Kurloz and shrugs._

_"Will you please get your son off my leg, he won't let go."_

_"Tavros, Gamzee come here." Kurloz demanded. Gamzee looked over and Tavros and nodded. He waited for Tavros to stand and pass him to let go of the older mans' leg then darted after him._

_"I'm gonna take you home, Gamzee you can spend the night at his house okay?" Kurloz said as he shut the door behind him. Gamzee nodded smiling, feeling his heart pace rise again. Behind them the door opened and Rafael shouted Kurloz' name, but the other didn't turn. He ignored him and lead the two boys outside to the car._

_"Thank you dad."_

* * *

_"Just what the hell were you thinking?" Kurloz growled as he slammed the front door shut. Rafael was seated on the living room couch watching tv. He put it on mute and turned to his boyfriend._

_"I was thinking that I really wanted to fuck someone other than you."_

_"Urgh, you asshole. Tavros isn't my son. If he goes home and tells his father, then we'd both go to jail."_

_"Then just get him high like you do with Gamzee." Rafael growls._

_"No. Tavros is never coming back over. Gamzee can go see him, and hang out with him as many times as he wants, but he's not coming back over." Kurloz growled. Rafael opened his mouth to say something but nothing came to mind._

_"I don't want you touching Gamzee anymore. It's over. You've done enough to him already." Kurloz growled and walked to his bedroom. He heard Rafaels' foot steps as he followed him, but he didn't slow down or speed up. When he shut his bedroom door behind him he locked it. Seconds after the door handle jiggled, then again and again, then it stopped._

_"Really Kurloz?" Rafael asked from behind the door. Kurloz looked across the room from the door he was leaning on and his eyes fell on the photo frames of Meulin he had moved into his bedroom from the livingroom. They were all surrounding his work desk, where he sat every night and wrote in his journal about her long black hair, emerald eyes, and the beautiful smile she always wore. He breathed in heavily.  
_

_"I love you Kurloz."_

_He heard from outside. He closed his eyes and imagined that it was his Meulin that had whispered those words into the door._

_"I love you too."_


	6. Chapter 5: Some how you love me

**I was drawing...but nothing came out right, then it hit me that my body was refusing to draw until I updated my stories. I'm sorry for procrastinating so badly guys, it's just, the one person I want to read my stories isn't...and it's putting me down like a dog with rabies. :C**

**Warning:  
**

**Enjoy: (or don't it's up to you)  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck.**

* * *

**Chapter 5:**

* * *

_Gamzee ran his hands down his body, leaving a trail of soapy water behind. His tenth birthday was in five days, and he was curious to how it would be. He hoped Rafael would leave him alone, and maybe that his dad would choose today to be the actual day he received his first birthday present since his mom walked out. But over all, he really hoped he'd get to spend it with Tavros._

_Maybe then he could tell Tavros how he felt for him. He could imagine it now._

_Them both in Tavros' room, away from danger, reality, only surrounded by pure innocence itself. He'd lean forward, his hands placed firmly on Tavs' shoulders, he'd stop when his nose touched Tavros', and their eyes would be glued on each other. Then he'd nervously whisper those words that turned his stomach upside down, inside out, but Tavros would cock an eyebrow, he wouldn't hear it well._

_"I- I like you Tav."_

_He would repeat, but this time with more of a stutter. Tavros' face would immediately turn beat red and his hands would fly up to cover his cheeks as he looked down to one side. Gamzee would sit in silence, worry eating away at his mind, his stomach turning over and over and over and over until Tavros answered. But he wouldn't answer, instead, he would look up slowly, silently, and flash a reassuring smile. A tiny reassuring smile, not a large, overly accepting smile. Gamzee didn't even fully want to be in this sort of relationship. If he thought hard enough, he knew eventually things would lead to sex, and out of experience, he knew it was painful. It was scary. He hated it. So he wanted Tavros to be as unaccepting as him. He wanted them to take a very, very, very, slow time._

_He pressed his face against the shower wall as images began to fill his mind. Rafael abusing him. Twisting, turning, forcing, invading. He was sure he was crying, even if he wasn't sure the water running down his cheeks were tears or just water, he knew he was crying, because, eventually, he always cried._

_"Daaad. Daaady..."_

_He sobbed as he slid down the tile wall. He hugged his knees._

_"Won't you please make him stop dad. Just make him stop." _

_He cried into his knees. Sometimes he just wished Tavros had gone through it he had been raped that day. Maybe then he wouldn't feel so alone. Maybe then he wouldn't have to silently deal with this pain. _

_"No."_

_Gamzee groaned. He couldn't let Tavros go through something so horrible. He had to protect him, and make sure he was always safe. He stepped out of the shower, not bothering to turn it off just yet, and wrapped a towel around his waist. He then turned back to shut off the water._

_He opened the dorr and peeked out, worried he'd run into Ragael. Luckily Rafael wasn't there. He stepped and hurriedly made his way to his bedroom. He passed his fathers room, then quietly padded up to his room. The hallway floor was tile, so he could hear his wet feet slap across the floor, but his feet weren't the only thing he heard._

_He turned the knob and swore his bed covers had shuffled, there was no way he could mistake the one sound he tried to pay most attention to while Rafael was doing away with him._

_He opened the door a bit then froze. _

_Rafael was on his bed, but his back was turned to him. He noticed there was someone beneath him and Gamzee began to panic. Had Tavros come over looking for him? Was he laid out on his bed, being raped by that bastard? Rafael was definitely doing something to some one._

_He moved his head to the left some what rapidly, and saw that the person wasn't Tavros. It should've calmed him down, but instead his heart seemed to ache even more. It was his dad Kurloz. He knew his dad and Rafael did this kind of stuff, but he hated just hearing of it. Seeing it some how crushed his heart._

_Maybe because if Kurloz had been his son, he would have protected him. Even if he wasn't his son, he wouldn't have left him alone with that bastard. Maybe also them being on his bed, where he had been molested and raped so many days and nights. Both of them feeling a pleasure he could never have because he was afraid. He felt humiliated. Kurloz had indirectly humiliated him._

_He slammed the door shut, not caring if they heard him, and ran across the short distance into his dads' room crying. He locked the door and dated over to his dads' desk._

_Gamzee picked up a picture, one of his dad, mom, sister and himself._

_"Switch with me Nepeta."_

_He cried starring at his sister in the photo. Immediately he regretted even thinking that._

_"Gamzee? Are you in there?"_

_Kurloz asked from outside. Gamzee stood up, grabbed his dads' shirt, and a pair of boxers from a drawer and slipped them on. They were extremely large on his tiny frame, but he didn't care._

_He crawled onto his dads' bed, ignoring the pounding on the door and covered himself in his dads' blankets._

_After a few minutes he pulled the blankets around himself tighter. His dads' scent was strong. It was as if he was holding him. Comforting him. Gamzee smiled breathing in his dads' scent then relaxed his body._

_"Some how you love me."_

_Gamzee whispered into the blankets. _


	7. Chapter 6: Come with me

**Okay, sorry this chapter is short, but it was written out on a notebook ahead of time. Also, I have only thirty minutes left and I have another chapter for this story and a chapter for WEB to upload, so I'm in a hurry.  
**

**Warning:  
**

**Enjoy: (or don't it's up to you)  
**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Homestuck.**

* * *

**Chapter 6:**

* * *

It was pouring outside, heavily and damn did the wind do its' best to knock Tavros off his feet. But he kept running down the side walk to reach his best friend. When he saw him, sitting with his back to a tree, and buried deep in a thick purple hoodie, his heart jumped.

"Gamzee!"

Tavros shouted still running. Gamzee slowly lifted his head. A few seconds later Tavros was kneeling down beside him.

"Gamzee, it's okay, it's okay!"

Tavros whined trying to calm his best friend down, but he knew it was no good.

"Tav...Rafael...proposed to my dad...he said yes Tav...he said fucking _yes."_

Gamzee sobbed. Tavros was stunned, he hated Kurloz, even though he was always polite, he hated him with a passion. Tavros grabbed Gamzees' shoulders and made the older boy look at him.

"This has got to stop. You can not go on like this! Call the cops and get that bastard in jail!" Tavros growled actually thinking about both Rafael and Kurloz. Gamzees' eyes widenned.

"No! What if I get caught?"

"For what?"

"I'm a fucking drug addict Tav! There ain't a thing in the world I haven't tried! They'll know just by looking at me! They'll lock me away Tavros. Lock me away to where I'll never see you again!"

Gamzee began to panic, grabbing his knees and rocking back and forth monotonously. Tavros frowned.

"They told you that didn't they?"

Tavros growled. Gamzee remained silent, only letting a sob out every few minutes.

"I can't though. I just can't bro. Dad would be...he'd be hurt again, like when mom left us." Gamzee began, "Rafael is his life now. He's so in love with him, I acan understand how he feels...I just...don't want to betray him-"

"He's your dad, yet he let's that bastard rape you. It's not even that he hasn't known for eight fucking years, he's always known. He just doesn't care enough."

Tavros argues. Gamzee opens his mouth to argue but Tavros cuts him off.

"**He **betrayed **you**."

Gamzee is wuiet before he slowly lays down over Tavs' lap and closes his eyes. The other boy is silent, simply running his fingers through Gamzees' black ultra soft hair.

"I wish I were normal."

Gamzee groaned. He had stopped shaking, but the tears siletnly slid off his face.

"You are normal Gamzee."

"No, I'm not. Normal kids don't spend eight years getting raped." Gamzee paused, "I wish I were like you. Still fuckin' innocent."

Tavros blushed, thinking of how much a lie that was, but he remained silent, not wanting to bring Gamzee down anymore.

"Will you come with me?"

Gamzee asks. Tavros snaps out of his train of thought and questions Gamzee with a _huh_?

"To the wedding, will you go with me so I don't have to go alone?" Gamzee asked again while sitting up and directing his attention to Tavros. Tavros grimaced.

"No. Those bastards. I can't even think of going-"

"Tavros please. I'm gonna be alone there." Gamzee continued. He placed a finger on Tavros' lap. Tavros looked up at Gamzee, and he saw the hurt in his eyes.

"Only for you." Tavros growled. Gamzee nodded rapidly. "Of course, not for them. _Never for them."_ Gamzee repeated under his breath. Tavros stared at Gamzee for a few seconds before pulling the taller boy into a firm hug. Gamzee nuzzled his face in Tavros' moist jacket, putting all of his weight tiredly into Tavros' arms.


End file.
